Dementia
by sex in the media
Summary: You'll never be the same...
1. Chapter 1

Early one Friday morning, Jacob Doyle arose in a hurry. "I'm late!," he exlcaimed. He packed his bags and hustled along the street. The road was alive that day. The wind form the passing cars nearly knocked him off his feets. "Fucking asshats," he shouted. He dodged the swerving traffic, and he scampered across the highway to the nearest 7/11. "Good morning, sir. I would like one Big Gulp and a Fudgy Brown." The store clerk complied with Doyle's requests with a slight snicker. Recalling the immediate image of Doyle's facial structure, and his slightly chipped right front tooth, he couldn't help but utter a slight chuckle unto himself. "Your total today is $6.66." "What, you asshat?!" Doyle yelled at the top of his lungs. " I'll go to WalMart and buy my Frudgy Browns there."

Doyle eagerly departed. His eyes widened with adventure as he thought to himself," OH boy! A trip to WalMart, by myself!" Doyle, gazed intently at the streeght light." "Come on your stupid motherfucking light." As soon as the dropped to green, he dashed across the freeway. "fudgybrownfudgybrownfudgybrownfudgybrowns," his mind endlessly echoed throughout its hollow halls.(ROFL, HOLLOW, NOT HALLOWED.) Doyle safely made it to the WalMart parkinglot without bodily harm.

As soon as he walked into the building, he felt the industria-sized air conditoner blow against his face. "Excuse me, sir, but where are they Fudgy Browns?," he asked the greater. "Son, Fudgy Browns? I'm not familiar with this term."

"YEah, Fudgy Browns. The Little Dobbie Sneck."

"Little Dobbie?"

" Yah, You know, like Zibra cacks."

"Son, I'm not quite understanding what you're saying..."

"FUCKING FUDGY BROWNS. LITTLE DOBBIE."

"Son, calm down now..."

"LITTLE FUCKING DOBBIE. YOU ASSHAT!"

"There's no need for profanity now."

"Now, you're the need. You asshat!"

" Now, noow, son. I think you're just mistaken."

"Look, Frudgy Browns..."

"Do you mean Little Debbie?"

"YEs, Little Dobbie."

"OH! I get it now. Fudge Browns. Aisle Six."

"What a fucking retard," the greeter released to himself as Doyle rushed into the store. Doyle pushed and shoved his way down aisle six, but alas, there were no Fudgy Browns left.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Doyle screamed at the top of his lungs. HE beat his balled fists against his chest. He began to weep, and he pulled sackcloth magically form the air. The JEwish Community slowly congregated around him. The began to pour ashes upon his head, and oil upon his brow.

to be continued in DOYLE'S BIG ADVENTURE PART II.


	2. Chapter 2

After Doyle was covered in this weird ash, he suddenly got UBER-PISSED and started turning green. The Incredible Hulk you ask? No.

There was an explosion.

Out of nowhere, Doyle had become...

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN

THE GREEN GIANT.

He then, fromt he tope of his langs, he shouted: "STRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEANS!!!!"

People ran like holy bujeezus. Even Reverend Al Sharpton said "AH HELL NO!"

Doyle started screaming: "IN THE NAME OF PRESIDENT UNCLE TOM, I WANT MAH FUDGY BROWNS!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then out of the bathroom, after a long squeezer, Hulk Hogan heard the shouts of innocent. He came charging out of the bathroom at an epic .5 miles per hour.

"NOW, WHO'S THE EVIL DO-ER WHO IS DOING WRONG TO ALL THE HULKAMANIACS OUT THERE?!

People cheer.

Doyle then saw Hogan, and tried to run out of the store.

Hogan then made his TWENTY-FOUR INCH PYTHONS turn into 45" GIANT CLAWS OF DEATH and he grabbe dDoyle.

Doyle then shouted "ASPAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAGUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSS" and broke Hogan's left arm.

Hogan screamed in pain, then Doyle pulled out a magnet, and made Hogan's Pacemaker RUN WILD.

He was then body slammed.

Het hen passed out.

Mr. T suddenly appeared in aid of Hulk Hogn. "Brother, Doyle has defeated my Hulkamania! He *must* be stopped!!" Mr, T turn back to Hulk," I pity the fool who don't show Doyle the respect he demands." "Mr. T then gazed upon Doyle's radiant complexion. T then hunched over, and charged towards Doyle's form, as if he were a raging Black Angus Bull. Doyle then passed his hand in front of Mr. T's path. The energy surging from his body caused an earthquake that registered as a 7.5 on the Richter Scale. Mr. T was tossed into the electronic depart ment. Plasma and glassed spread along the floor. Some flew as shrapnel and slit innocent childrens' throats. Doyle cried.

"WHY MUST THE EARTH BRING FORTH SUCH WEAK COMPETITION?" His inquiry bellowed throughout the entire complex.

"LOOK AT YOU. YOUR CHILDREN GARGLE THEIR OWN BLOOD AS YOUR HEROES FALL! BRING FORTH YOUR SUPERMAN! BRING FORTH YOUR BATMAN, EARTH!!!"

Doyle then charged the interplanetary destruction ray lodged deep within his chest from birth.

"WITH THIS RAY, I WAS DESTINED TO PURGE THE EARTHN OF ALL ITS WEAKNESSES. ALL OF ITS IMPURITIES. AL OFF..."

Suddenly, Doyle heard the cries of a small child. He momentarily recalled the energy field he emits of the height of his most powerful form. He sealed the child in an energydome that could penetrate the Doylian Ecoshield that was charged around the WalMart. The sent the child across the Atlantic Ocean, into the arms of a British nanny. He began to power bakc up.

"EARTH, I AM A JUST JUDGE. I BEARER OF TRUE TRUTH. I AM DOYLE; THE PURGER. AGAIN EARTH, I CALL OUT UNTO YOU, BRING ME YOUR HEROES. DO NTO STOP AT THE FEEBLE-MINDED, RESTRICTED PLEBIANS; BRING UNTO ME YOUR TRUE HEROES."

Just then, a beam of Greenlight penetrated the Doylian Ecoshield.

"NO, IT CNANOT BE!!!" he exclainmed!!!

But it was...It was Hla Jordan.

THE GREEN LANTERN.

Yet, just before Hal Jordan could touch down in the newly founded arena, Doyle shot a charged beam of pure white light towards Mr. T. When all the dust had settled.... MR. T WAS WHAIT!!!!

TO BE CONTINUED....

Doyles Big Adventure Part Two written by Sean Goldsby and Calr Tice.


	3. Chapter 3

AND NOW, FOR PART THREE OF DOYLE'S BIG ADVENTURE....

THE DEADLY CONFRONTATION. (WHY THE FUCK IS MR T WHITE?!)

As Hal Jordan made landfall he looks behind him at Mr T, who was now cowering against a wall. HE was rocking back and forth, sobbing as a small child. Mr T looked up at Hal, through his tear-soaked eyes. "I'm sorry, Hal. I've failed you." "IT's okay, Mr. T," smiled Hal. "My, your grammar has improved ten-fold now that you're white."

"OH GOD, SAVE ME HAL."

"I shall, Mr. T. I shall."

Hal Jordan then proceeded to approach the magnificient glowing form of Doyle.

"ENOUGH, DOYLE," shouted hal. "ENOUGH OF YOUR TREACHERY TO THE PLANET THAT'S HOUSED YOU FOR TWENTY-THREE YEARS."

"OH, HAL, YOU'RE ONE TO SPEAK OF TREACHERY."

" IR NOT WUT U THINK I AM NE MORE."

"What the fuck..." Doyle stood their, his mind boggled."

"U DO NUT UNNERSTAV? I R NUT..."

Doyle's now perfect mind couldn't comprehend the purposeful garbbled speach. Suddenly, visions fo Fudgy Browns danced through his head once more.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." Enraged, Doyle engaged his interplanetary desctrction canon once more. He sent a slightly charged beam towards Hal Jordan."

"UMFOOGLERIFCKALOOGAWALUALUALUALUALUALUALUALUALUALUALUALUALUALUAOMFGROFLLOLSTFUOMGWALLOOBRUBBABUBBABUBBABUBBABUBBABUBBABUBBABUBBABUBBAUBBAUBBAUBBAOFLROFLOMGWTFLOLZCOPTEROMFGAWOFLKABOBROFFERANNISOUCHOUCHOUCH," Hal Jordan muttered as he skid across the ground.

"HAHA, EARTH! NOT EVEN THE GREEN LATTERN CAN STOP ME NOW!!"

Doyle's massive form caused the ground to buckle underneath eahc step he too.

"WHERE ARE YOUR OTHER HEROES EARTH?! ARE THEY TOO AFRAID?! HAVE THE FALLEN ALREADY TO MY FELLOW DOYLIANS?!"

"WAIT, ONE MOMENT, DOYLE!"

Doyle, turned around, suddenly found hismelf in shock.

WHO IS THIS NEW SAVIOUR WHO'S COME TO AID MANKIND?! WHY IS DOYLE SO SHOCKED?! WILL MR T EVER BE BLACK AGAIN?!

FIND OUT IN CHAPTER FOUR!!!


End file.
